Back to: The Mystery Spot Rambling Ned's Hometown
Ned: Have I ever told you about my hometown?
Me: No, you haven't. Go ahead, tell us. We'd love to hear it.
Ned: I wasn't going to tell you about it, but since you want to hear it so badly...
Me: Helloooo... I was being sarcastic, Ned.
Ned: I am from a little place called Arkansas City, Missouri.
Me: Arkansas City... Missouri?
Ned: Don't interrupt! Now, as I was saying... I am from Arkansas City, Missouri. Well, at least in the sense that I was born there because my parents were on a road trip for some reason. That's enough for me to say I am from Arkansas City, at least according to the "man from Hope".
Arkansas City has a rich history behind it. It was founded by Ponce de Leon on his famous quest for the Fountain of Youth. He took a wrong turn at what is now Orlando trying to find what is now Disney World. It seems that he was weary of all his questing and wanted to unwind. None of his men had the guts to tell him it would be a couple of centuries before it would even be built. At any rate, he got lost and refused to ask for directions. Ponce de Leon wound up far, far, far up north. By this time everyone was sick of travelling, so he said, "Aw, heck. I'm tired of all this travelling. I've been riding a horse so long, I can't feel my legs! And this armor is like an oven! Not to mention that I smell horrible, like a dead horse eating a dead pig. I just want to relax and take a bath. Let's just stop here and build our own amusement park!"
Ponce de Leon's men were sick of hearing him whine, so they decided to go along with things so he'd shut up. So the Spanish explorers built the first amusement park in the then "New World." It featured the fastest log ride in the world (a distinction it held until 1854), greased bumper horses (since there weren't any cars back then), and the first fun house to use those weird trick mirrors. Unfortunately, it was built out in the middle of nowhere, so few people came out to the park. Eventually, Ponce de Leon decided to resume his search for the Fountain of Youth, but he left some of his men behind to maintain the rides. These Spaniards (and their descendants) were the earliest inhabitants of Arkansas City.
In later days, when the state of Arkansas was in the process of becoming a state, the town was going to be the capital. So they changed the name from "Ponce de Leon's Fountain O' Fun" to "Arkansas City." But tensions were mounting with Missouri. You see, the Arkansas-Missouri border was originally going to be a straight line, but trouble erupted when gold was discovered near the town. Missouri was determined to annex the mine, and Arkansas was just as determined to keep it. This led to the often overlooked Arkansas-Missouri War. Missouri sent a messenger to the future govenor of Arkansas declaring war, who shot him (the messenger, that is). This enraged the the Missourians so much that they sent wave after wave of disgruntled pig farmers to capture Arkansas City. Those pig farmers viciously fought off the Arkansas defenders, who were incapacitated by the farmers' hideous odor. Once they had secured the town, the pig farmers fanned out across the state to spread destruction like so much warm butter. The govenor of Arkansas caved in after that and gave up Arkansas City and the surrounding land to Missouri. That's why Missouri dips into Arkansas. If you've seen a map, you know what I mean.
You've probably never heard about this war. That's because communication back then isn't what it is now. Today, if someone sneezes, it makes CNN 10 seconds later. But back then, it took months and months to get a message across the state, and that's only if the guy who's delivering it isn't attacked by wild rabbits, crazed beavers, rabid donkeys, poisonous goats, violent monkeys, or alligators with eating disorders. By the time the news got back east, the war was over and everyone thought it was an April Fool's joke. But it wasn't a joke to those pig farmers.