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dos museum

dessgeega's picture
Tue, 07/21/2009 - 10:27 — dessgeega

LINK

an amazing resource for dos shareware, a potentially amazing resource for trainwrecks.

"Welcome to the future. After all the ozone burned up, the lucky ones died quickly. The rest of us got broiled like lobsters. Until the Big Burn, when all the forests exploded in a huge fireball. Now, it's twilight all the time. When you're not gasping from a breath of noxious fumes, you're fighting off Froggers. They were people once. Take some random chromosomal mutations and add accelerated growth cycles, and pretty soon you have generations of amphidiploid amphibians. And they would like nothing more than to suck the raw flesh right off your bones. Your weapons: the ARROW keys, and a secret key to tap energy reserves."

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Tue, 07/21/2009 - 11:48 — SpindleyQ
SpindleyQ's picture

I want to MARRY that

I want to MARRY that screenshot.

"Register ENDLESS HORROR for only $10 and receive the latest version without this reminder screen. Registered users will find out the secret key for tapping their accumulated energy reserves and may then be able to decimate the entire colony of Froggers! You will then be prepared for the sequel, ECSTASY IN HEDONIA, where you fall down an isolated mine shaft and find a tribe of fair maidens who escaped the apocalypse above. You will need all the strength and endurance you developed in ENDLESS HORROR to satisfy their voracious carnal appetites!"

This game is about an invincible stickman who stubbornly resists your attempts to control him. The path to victory is by managing to bang on the right arrow key enough to make him hold out his fist, which his enemy will repeatedly run into (while not damaging you in the slightest) until it knocks its own head off. Then you fight a new, identical enemy.

I'm assuming ECSTASY IN HEDONIA would have been the same, except the right arrow controls your penis instead.