mbtzl's blog

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Insecurities and a need to create


Sometimes I find myself staring longingly at itch.io

I scroll through, looking at the beautiful art and programming genius that takes place.

It makes me sad, but also hopeful.

I love making games, more than I ever thought that I would, but a lack of budget, knowledge, and overall skill makes it incredibly difficult.
I feel a constant need to create, but never the ability.
This blog entry is mostly just a ramble;
Some sort of shout into the void.

I feel insecure about what I make.
I feel inadequate.
I feel like I'm spinning in circles, even though I have only just started taking this seriously.

Ever since I was a little kid, I had a deep fascination for this stuff.
I research and research, never actually applying or learning.
Just longing to create.

I feel hopeless.
I feel petty.
I feel pathetic.

Deep down I know that I am new to this, finally putting my foot down and releasing things that I make. I know I will improve, but don't know where or how to start.

I feel like I should give up.
But I don't want to.

Even recently, when I would lurk on this website for hours, I never thought I could do what some of you do.
And yet here I am. I can't say that what I make is good, or even passable, but Glorious Trainwrecks makes me feel like it is.

I feel accepted.
I feel supported.
I feel loved.

Blog posts tend to not get much attention on this site, so maybe nobody will see this, and maybe that is OK. Just writing this, I feel a little bit better.

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