Noyb's blog

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Noyb's Plot Inventory

Inspired by mcc, Sergio, and Leon's similar compliations. An awful lot of games involving inevitable failure/death, and a few that appear to be straight domination/power fantasies get subverted a bit.

Fatty Rain: Reach the exit
The Trail: Become traumatized, reach the exit
Pixel Hunt: Find the magenta pixel
Ce n'est pas un jeu vidéo: Watch a video game being played
Don't Flub Your Line: Perform on cue
Zomble: Stave off inevitable death
Klik Asia: Kill things
My First IGN Interview: Decide how badly you want a job
Jester Prototype: Stave off inevitable failure/death, perform on cue
Jesus H. Christ's Eleventeenth Coming: Decide the effect of the rapture.
Candy from a Baby: Steal candy from a baby
The Trail 2: Vector Trail: Stave off inevitable madness
The Illogical Journey of the Zambonis: Create characters, help them reach the exit
Metapong: Beat player 2 at pong
Bovine Budget Analysis: Try to function with impostor syndrome
The Next Game Artist: Try to create art in a hostile environment
The Pseudologue of Persia: Narrate the story of your own death(s)
Galcon: The Quest for the Perfect Triangle: Conquer planets
This Might Be Passage: Get older
There Is A Monster at the End of this Game: Kill a monster
A More Perfect Universe: Fiddle with obtuse parameters, watch the result
Gratuitous Profanity: Make noise by shooting/killing/surviving

****Not Technically Trainwrecks****
Downhill Hubble: Dodge trees, collect telescopes
Jetpack Fusion: Stay alive until inevitable death
Independence: Set off fireworks
Evil Baby Pong: Beat a baby at pong
Mario's Adventure: Collect stars, kill things
Rocket Skater: Reach the exit
Marionette UFO: Dodge things
TEH FORUM GAME*: Kill Harry Potter and Celine Dion, find bulls, drink oil, make a pizza
The Duke**: Kill things
Shameful Pachinko Romance: Play with balls, confess love
Mr. Destiny's Adventure: Reach the exit
Hackworth's Last Kick: Play hacky sack to distract oneself from inevitable death
Dot Dot Dot: Stave off inevitable death/failure
Cave without Story: Shoot things
Apophenia: Generate abstract art games
Macarena of the Missing: Converse, solve puzzles, save free will
Edge Tycoon: Trademark words, make money
Face Time: Try to get laid

* Minigame compilation by Jonny Smeby for which I provided a level.
** Duke Nukem fangame by 2bam for which I provided voices.

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Assemblee Voiceovers

Back in 2009, TIGSource held a quite interesting two-part competition called Assemblee. In the first part, participants created a whole host of graphics, music, and other sundry game creation assets. In the second part, game developers would create games using only those assets.

I bring this up because I recorded a bunch of cheesy voice-overs for Assemblee that were never actually used.

They're of wildly varying quality, and I still really need to get a hold of a pop-shield to mask my plosives, but I figure they could find a good home here.

Numbers - Containing the building blocks to construct 0 to googolplex, plus various samples allowing you to construct phrases like "you have murdered 23 orphans" and "45 kilometers and two feet remaining."

Mascot: Basically a bad Sonic the Hedgehog impersonation. Meant for educational games or mascot platformers. Or not. Over 30 lines of dialogue, questions, and grunts.

Samurai: Poorly-dubbed American voice in the vein of Dynasty Warriors. About 75 lines of dialogue, questions, taunts, and grunts.

Gentleman: Henry Hatsworth meets an American with a sore throat. Mostly the latter. About 40 lines of archaic profanity, shouts, and snide accusations.

Terrible: Poor renditions of poor videogame dialogue on a poor quality microphone.

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The Illogical Journey of the Zambonis (Devblog)


This might be happening. I dunno. Trying not to think too hard about it and let whatever work emerges come naturally.

High level concept is that it's a reimagining of the 90s kid game The Logical Journey of the Zoombinis, except reinterpreted as taking place in a world where bad things happen that aren't always in your control. And using KNP clip art.

First pass of a script attached. best viewed in a program that has word wrap. Everything except the directions in square brackets is intended to be spoken narration/dialogue. Probably too bleak. Or not bleak enough. I can't actually tell right now what would work best.

Edit: removed script for now.

Edit 2: DONE!

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Doodle Crap


The makers of Doodle Jump are threatening lawsuits against App Store developers who dare use the word "Doodle" to name their games. And a few critics have compared the main character of Doodle Jump to Q-Bert. Ergo... this.

I originally made this for a topic TheDustin made trying to encourage TIGSource forumgoers to pick up KNP, but it was locked by the time I got this far. =(

Quick one hour prototype. No scoring and the randomly generated levels are horribly unfair and impossible, but I don't think I care anymore.

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Interpretive Reading of Markov Chain-Generated Spam Messages

So over at the Idle Forums, a number of spammers have taken to posting messages apparently created by Markov Chains. Stuff like:

Slummy. was cut thewithered vines display lambast, Author sold it from the root into landing to the Someone Dweller to travelers. "At the time of the circumstances, to opine of it as in the represent. Sell me pose to a Mianhuangjishou the senior. He, whether they essential to do, I ran freshly met said: 'Stretch me a pin!' "He asked how much money each, a bob.

Naturally, I thought it sounded like modern poetry. And naturally, I had to record myself doing interpretive reading of a few of them. Attached are five o'erhasty examples. I also included the original texts in the readme file, for completeness.

They're in OGG format, so download Audacity or something if you have trouble hearing them. Or bug me to encode them into something more common.

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Pong Like It's 1999


Home for winter break, I stumbled upon my old KNP folder on a dusty Micron PC. Submitted for your horror: a pair of Pokémon-themed pong games I made in KNP back in 1999. The games are left unaltered from their original states. The sprites, music selections, prepubescent "voice acting," readmes, and bugs are all as I left them. The only thing I did today was compile them in KNP and zip them up.

First, a Pokémon themed KNP pong game I made back in 1999 and never released online. Somewhat intriguing for the terribly balanced "voltorb" ball which either player can attack to force an instant stalemate, and the poorly-rendered sprites made in Microsoft's 3d Movie Maker (which was itself a source of video trainwrecks back in the 90s).

Player 1: W and S move, Z shoots.
Player 2: Arrows move, Shift shoots

Second is a surrealist reflection of 90s media culture in the form of an overly long pong boss battle between Misty from Pokémon and a demonic version of that dancing baby from that early internet video. Ash Ketchum's head is the ball. And the baby throws diapers ripped from a screenshot of Rugrats. And the background is a low-res photograph of a Lego Mindstorms "invention" with my fingers over the lens.

I released this one online for God knows why. Last year, I let Softpedia upload some of my older games to their site in a moment of weakness. This "new and fun Pong remake that will keep you busy for a long time" (their words) has somehow received 286 downloads to date from undiscerning netizens.

Move: Arrow keys.

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