Let's take stock of your life right now.\n\n ■ [[You are|ExploreAge]]: <<print $age>> years old\n ■ [[You are|ExploreRace]]: <<print $race>>\n ■ [[You are|ExploreJob]]: <<print $job>>\n ■ [[You are|ExploreOrientation]]: <<print $orientation>>\n ■ [[You are|ExploreKink]]: <<print $kink>>\n ■ [[You are|ExploreGender]]: <<print $gender>>\n ■ [[You are|ExploreRelationship]]: <<print $relationship>>\n\n\nYou also have <<if $confidence eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $confidence>><<endif>> [[units of confidence|ConfidencePoints]].\n\nWhen you feel you are confident enough, you can [[try making some serious decisions about your life|Phase2]].

<<if $confidence eq 10>><<display 'NoChange'>><<endif>><<if $confidence lt 10>><<display 'NoConfidence'>><<endif>><<if $confidence gt 10>><<display 'Confidence'>><<endif>>

<<if $gender eq "Male">>You don't think you can figure out your orientation before you figure out your own gender.\n\n[[Alright, alright.|LifeSummary]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $orientation eq "Heteroflexible, maybe bisexual?">>You are not sure you'll ever figure out this whole gender thing.\n\n[[Alright, alright.|LifeSummary]]\n<<else>>\nFor the longest time you've only really cared for women, sexually.\n\nWell, except for *that* one guy. And maybe that other one there, too. And then there's that magazine full of those hot guys. But they don't count, right?\n\nEveryone has exceptions, right? It's not like you're dating any of them.\n\nYou've had a long-standing rule that was "no dicks, no butts." How quickly the "no butts" rule dropped once you figured out how great that was.\n\nAnd now people ask you hard questions about giving head to men. Why are these questions suddenly hard? What happened to the "no dicks" rule?\n\nAre you maybe heterosexual because that is the norm? I mean, you are attracted to members of both sexes, at least in some circumstances... That makes you bisexual, right?\n\nBut you haven't actually had sex with a man yet. But you feel compelled to add the word "yet" there. You are almost eager to explore that. Can you? Will you have the courage?\n\nThen you think about your recent confusion about your own gender. If you were a woman right now, then yeah - you'd still want to sleep with women. You'd also want to sleep with men, without question. But that only feels right if you imagine yourself as a woman. As a man, you don't have as much certainty. Does that make you homophobic? Why is your brain putting your gender on the line as a condition of attraction? What is wrong with you, anyway? Why can't you just be normal?\n\nYou feel like you can't talk about sex with any of your straight friends. You feel like you don't "qualify" to fit in with the queer community. You end up not talking to anyone about sex, ever.\n\nYou switch your dating profile to "Heteroflexible" or "Curious," but you really don't know what you're doing or where your place is in all of this.\n\n[[Lose a confidence point.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence=$confidence - 1>><<set $orientation="Heteroflexible, maybe bisexual?">>\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>

Well, you can still sit behind the yoke on weekends, right? You can still chase the dream in your spare time, right?\n\nNo, you can't. The price of aviation fuel skyrocketed in the last ten years and you would have to live off of ramen to afford even a few hours of casual flight per month. Sucks to be you! I guess you just wasted a huge chunk of your life!\n\nMaybe you should take up a nice, safe job that's fun to do. Maybe you could be a programmer. You've been coding since you were a little kid, those skills are surely employable somewhere -- even though you don't have a college degree.\n\nYou eventually get a job picking up small side-gigs and contract work at various places. It's not much, but it's a living, and you just about scrape by on it.\n\nMeanwhile, a few of your close friends become indie game developers. One invites you to the Game Developer's Conference...\n\n[[Maybe I'll check out this GDC thing...|Career4]]

No way! You could never do that, not to your one true love. You've loved flight since you were little, and you couldn't bear to tarnish the joy of flying-for-fun with huge lists of procedures and protocols, hitting autopilot, and otherwise not really flying airplanes.\n\n[[Fine, fine! I'll squander my career then, and feel guilty about all that wasted potential for the rest of my life.|Career3]]

"Hah, what hard questions," you ask boisterously. "I'm a priveleged white male in the prime of my life!"\n\nLacking any introspection, and being entirely confident with yourself as you are, it is impossible for you to see how things could possibly be different.\n\nYou live happily -- nay, blisffully -- ever after.\n\n~ END ~\n\nThanks for playing. This was my first crack at this Twine thing. Please let me know if you have any feedback, comments, or advice - technical or personal. I'm [[@tremblingEyes|http://twitter.com/tremblingEyes]] on twitter.

You get a job at the nightshift of a UPS/FEDEX sorting depot, sorting boxes. You quickly climb the corporate ladder and end up being General Manager!\n\nHooray, a proper career!!\n\n[[But... That sounds boring!|Career2]]\n

<<if $gender eq "Male">>\nYou've been a man your whole life, but you wish you were a woman. You wish you were pretty, and you think women are pretty. You wish you had boobs. You want to be what people associate with feminine - compassionate, caring. You hate masculine definitions. You hate aggression, violence, and loud voices. You wish you were born female.\n\nYou wish guys would fuck you.\n\nBut wait, you're straight aren't you? Does that mean you wish you were a lesbian woman, since you find woman attractive? Why would you want men to fuck you if you aren't attracted to them?\n\nHow is this different from just being a "nice guy" and not a dick? How does gender enter into this?\n\nLook at all these people around you that are seriously exploring transexualism. Why aren't you going that far? What's holding you back? Maybe you aren't as committed as they are. Maybe you don't really wish you were a woman. And maybe you shouldn't even be dragging the whole trans thing into this, since you don't know half the issues there and the serious struggles they are facing.\n\nMaybe you're just faking for sympathy. You've been accused of it often enough; maybe it's true?\n\nYour doubts prevent you from feeling like you fit in with queer folk. You feel like you have no home and no community.\n\n[[Lose a confidence point.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = $confidence - 1>> <<set $gender = "Male, but confused">>\n<<else>>I think you're confused enough about gender as it is. Rehashing old thoughts won't help - you have to look to the future.\n\n[[Alright, alright.|LifeSummary]]\n<<endif>>

You sit back and evaluate your life. What once seemed to be insurmountable hurdles won't be holding you back from enjoying life anymore.\n\nYour joy shines through all your issues and brings you confidence. Your confidence brings more joy.\n\nAnd with that, nothing else seems to matter. All the labels and statuses seem irrelevant to the one thing you have right now:\n\nHappiness.\n\n~ END ~\n\nThanks for playing. This was my first crack at this Twine thing. Please let me know if you have any feedback, comments, or advice - technical or personal. I'm [[@tremblingEyes|http://twitter.com/tremblingEyes]] on twitter.

Wow. GDC is amazing.\n\nYou have been inspired to become a game developer yourself, and you set out making games. It's fun, you love giving back to the world in a meaningful way, and you make a good living at it.\n\nIt's still second place to your true calling in life, but that might be something you just have to live with.\n\n[[Lose a confidence point.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence=$confidence-1>><<set $job="Indie Game Developer">>

You are white, which you have to admit makes you pretty privileged. So much so that you don't even understand how privileged you are.\n\nSometimes you wish you had some colour in you. You think it looks exotic, awesome, and attractive even. But you don't even know the first thing about the challenges other races see in your culture every day. How could you wish for that?\n\nThe fact that you even think about this makes you feel less confident about yourself. Maybe you are secretly, subconsciously a racist?\n\nWhy can't you be more like Stephen Colbert when he says "he doesn't see race?"\n\nWhy do you?\n\n<<if $race eq "White">><<set $race = "White but uneasy about it">><<set $confidence = $confidence -1>>[[Lose a confidence point|LifeSummary]]<<else>>[[Okay I guess :(|LifeSummary]]<<endif>>

This game was made for the [[QUILTBAG game jam|http://quiltbag.herokuapp.com/]], on April 7th 2013.\n\nThis is meant to be a first-person autobiographical interactive story, and it is my first crack at this Twine thing. Please let me know if you have any feedback, comments, or advice - technical or personal. I'm [[@tremblingEyes|http://twitter.com/tremblingEyes]] on twitter.\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $gender = "Male" >>\n<<set $orientation = "Straight" >>\n<<set $kink = "Vanilla">>\n<<set $confidence = 10>>\n<<set $job = "A Dishwasher" >>\n<<set $race = "White">>\n<<set $age = 20>>\n<<set $relationship="Engaged">>\n<<endsilently>>\n\n[[Cool. I want to step into your shoes.|LifeSummary]]

<<if ($age gt 25) and ($kink eq "Vanilla")>>\nTouring around in Second Life, you stumble across a BDSM sim. You didn't know what the acronym means, but it sounds titilating! You explore, and suddenly it hits you.\n\nA memory, of times long past. As a teenager, playing a modem-game of Doom with a girl on a BBS. Remember that match? Remember, you ran out of ammo and she held that gun to your head? Remember when she didn't pull the trigger, but instead commanded you about the room?\n\nYou could have rebelled, but you didn't. You could have run away and made a dash for that ammo box, but you didn't. You loved it. Remember that?\n\nSuddenly you find words for the feelings you've always had, but not been able to put a finger on. Your mind opens up to new possibilities. You go to local munches. You start your own meetup groups. You make a fetlife account.\n\nSo now you are a submissive man. The type of label that immediately brings forth stereotypical images of whining, snivelling-worm type men. Doormats. The abused.\n\nBut that's not you -- you're none of those things. You just like ceding power and control to a partner your respect.\n\nYou try to "come out" a few times to your closer friends, and often run into awkward questions and endless hours of explanations, to no avail. You wonder if you have the wrong friends.\n\nYou end up staying closeted, publicly. You have no outlet for your kink, and it eats you up inside. You feel like an entire half of your sexuality has been undernourished your whole life, and it's killing you.\n\nBut you don't know what to do about it.\n\n[[Lose a confidence point.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence=$confidence-1>><<set $kink = "Submissive">>\n\n<<else>>\n<<if $kink eq "Vanilla">>You are blissfully unaware that "kink" exists as a thing. Maybe when you're older...\n<<else>>Well, we've figured out you are kinky already. Maybe we should work on getting that confidence back up.\n<<endif>>\n[[Alright, alright.|LifeSummary]]\n<<endif>>

You are <<print $relationship>>.\n\n<<if $relationship eq "Lonely">>\n<<if $confidence eq 0>>Wow. Seriously? You have no confidence left at all, and here you are, checking up on your relationships?\n\nYou aren't even sure what you want your gender to be. You aren't sure what your sexual orientation is. You have no outlet for your kink, you aren't chasing your personal dream, and you aren't even comfortable in your own skin. You can't find a community to fit in with, and you almost have no friends at all. Plus you're OLD now. What the heck are you thinking you can accomplish?\n\n[[Fuck it. This is me, this is my motherfucking life, and I'm sick of holding back. I might have a lot of questions, and a lot of exploring to do, but I don't give a damn anymore. I'm going to enjoy life. I'm done worrying about fitting in.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = 11>>\n<<else>>\nYou don't think that will change anytime soon. How could it? You don't even know yourself anymore. Maybe once you've hit rock-bottom ...\n\n[[Solemn Nod|LifeSummary]]<<endif>><<endif>><<if $relationship eq "Companioned">>Alas, it was not meant to be. You are still on good terms, but you wonder if you can ever love again.\n\nYou are seriously considering being single for the rest of your life.\n\n[[Lose three confidence points.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = $confidence-3>><<set $relationship="Lonely">><<set $age = $age + 3>><<endif>><<if $relationship eq "Alone">>You find a wonderful, smart woman that is also going through divorce proceedings. You share in many things and commiserate with each other. Things are great, and you think she might be the one you can spend the rest of your life with.\n\nYou never say "I love you" to her. You are still broken inside.\n\n[[Gain a confidence point.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = $confidence + 1>><<set $relationship="Companioned">><<set $age = $age + 1>><<endif>><<if $relationship eq "Married">>Your wife cheats on you twice, blaming you in various ways that cut deep and leave emotional scars.\n\nA divorce quickly follows. Thankfully, you had no children.\n\nYou are no longer able to say the words "I love you."\n\n[[Lose two confidence points.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = $confidence-2>><<set $relationship="Alone">><<set $age = $age + 3>><<endif>><<if $relationship eq "Single">>You show up at a party and meet a great woman. Burned by your last experience, you decide that your divergent dreams and interests will just make for an exciting, mutually-fulfilling relationship.\n\nYou move in, get engaged, and eventually get married after being together for 4 years.\n\n[[Gain a confidence point.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = $confidence + 1>><<set $relationship="Married">><<set $age = $age + 4>><<endif>><<if $relationship eq "Engaged">>Engaged to a beautiful, smart woman that seems to love all the things you do. You get along splendidly, and are going to be married in 6 months time.\n\nShe walks out the front door, leaving the ring on the counter. It is the last you hear from her, ever again.\n\n[[Lose two confidence points.|LifeSummary]]<<set $confidence = $confidence-2>><<set $relationship="Single">><<set $age = $age + 1>><<endif>>

Oh please, like you have enough confidence for that. You have so many questions right now!\n\n[[Sigh, allright|LifeSummary]]

Doubts

<<if $job eq "A Dishwasher">>You can't be a dishwasher forever, right? You should embark on a proper career!\n\n[[Hell yes! I'll do it!|Career]]!<<else>>You think you are pretty happy with the way your career worked out; maybe you should live a bit more life before trying to change it again.\n\n[[Alright, alright.|LifeSummary]]<<endif>>

by the trembling-eyed <html><a target='_blank' href='https://twitter.com/tremblingEyes'>Bambi</a></html>

You currently have <<if $confidence eq 0>>0<<else>><<print $confidence>><<endif>> units of confidence. They are used to overcome fear and uncertainty in your life.\n\n[[Sounds helpful!|LifeSummary]]

You are <<print $age>> years old.\n\nThe number always felt weird to you. You feel half that, in your head; like everyone your age has been actually accomplishing things with their life, but here you are goofing around on your computer without any grand life achievements to point at as a sign of progress.\n\n<<if $age gte 30>>And now you are over 30... That big number. It used to mean something to you; ten years ago. You were sure your life would be in order by now, but it's not. This fills you with doubt.\n<<else>>At least you are still relatively young. You think for sure that by 30 you'll settle down with a wife and kids.<<endif>>\n\n[[Sigh...|LifeSummary]]

That's because it IS boring. It's a dreadful desk job that's wasting away your life. You only live to go to the pub now; work has no meaning to you, and you life is empty.\n\nSo you leave that job and decide to chase your dream: Being a pilot!\n\nAfter being rejected by the military (for being too tall), you spend close to $80,000 (your entire savings, plus some borrowed from family and friends) to get your Commercial Pilot's License.\n\nBy the time you are in an employable state, you realize you have two options:\n\n[[I'll get a job in the horrifically boring airline industry, thus ruining my one joy in life!|AviationCareer]]\n\n[[I want to squander my education! I'll fly on weekends for fun only, preserving my dream|Career3]]