#+TITLE: APBUCOPWYH Walkthrough (minotaur path)
* The character: the Minotaur
Although all characters can and must be played at once, the Minotaur is by far the most challenging for a solo run. The Minotaur's gimmick is their physics-based movement: visualization of their joints and muscles can be toggled by tapping your sense of kinesthetic intuition, but what's important is this: they WILL flop around and you WILL struggle to get them moving (unless you don't WILL it). Their other gimmick is their horns: their horns are basically permanent hitboxes attached to their head with rubber bands. On the one horn, this means you can instantly vanquish any opponent you can flop your horns into; on the other horn, impact against a solid object will cause their hitboxes to touch your hurtbox, resulting in horrors that I need not elaborate on.
** Moves
The minotaur doesn't have "moves" in the traditional sense. Rather, their physics-based movement has one key characteristic: their legs work like springs, where a jump releases the tension on the springs instantly, and there is no upper limit on the springs' compression. That is to say, this character can triple jump, and with perfect timing, you can get potentially infinite height off of a single jump. Needless to say, with how low a regular jump is, mastering the triple jump is essential to moving through the course.
Another physics exploit can be used to attack low targets when on the ground. If you jump again just as you hit the ground, the jump will be wasted but the minotaur's head will bob violently forwards, striking at enemies at ground level. Warning: performing this manuver after falling from a great height can send the minotaur tumbling forward, inevitably forcing their horns into the floor and doing terrible things to them. This is likely a suboptimal outcome.
* Goals and routing
This guide seeks to complete the following goals:
+ All characters defeated in single combat
+ All items collected (piss, drugs, jewel, cake, teeth, blood, carrot)
+ The stage is exited through the top left
Although normally I would write towards the easiest route, if you choose the minotaur, you are not interested in an easy route. I instead write this guide to assist in the fastest route:
1. Take out the jellyfish
2. Grab the ruby
3. Defeat the car
4. Grab the blood
5. Duel the Miserable Hugger
6. Get the cake
7. Get the drugs
8. Take the piss
9. Get the carrot
10. Fight the frog
11. Get the teeth
12. Exit
* Detailed walkthrough
Triple jump off the narrow platform directly to the left of spawn. The thrust of your horns will take out the jellyfish, but the dark clouds will soften the blow. This marks you for lightning strikes, but don't worry about that. Grab the ruby: your horns will act as lightning rods and protect you. Go to the platform to the left of the (late) jellyfish. This should aggro the Miserable Hugger, who will slowly creep towards you. Ignore them for now; if above instructions have been executed with alacrity, the car should be finishing its third loop. Jump up to the above platform and your horns will skewer the car. Grab the blood, then jump down to the jellyfish platform again. Do the horns trick, and your horns will bludgeon the Miserable Hugger into submission. Jump up again to the platform directly to the upper-left, then onto the platform that holds the cake. This next part is tricky: you need to jump INTO the ledge the cake is on. If done right, the jump will send you tumbling forward; you'll collect the drugs on the way down with the tip of your horn, and land in the nook below the piss plate. Remember that fire is hot, water is wet, and cops and cars are real; but don't like, dwell on it. Jump up to the drugs platform, then up to the piss collection apparatus. You know what to do. A regular jump from here will get you to the carrot. Carefully lower yourself down against the leftmost wall. The frog will be patrolling the area. Rather than foolishly leaping onto the central platform, instead either perform the horn trick against the stationary frog or let him jump into your horns. Concentrate and consider the mathematics of infinity in the context of collision algorithms, then choose an appropriate timing for the triple jump that will rocket you out of the environment while STILL ensuring the minotaur's collision overlaps with the teeth's for at least one frame. Try to time your visualization of the leap with the end of an exhale, for optimal clarity. This should net you a total victory.
* End note
Although this walkthrough will doubtless be useless to you--imagine playing this game with someone ELSE'S heart!--I still hope that the idea of a boxy minotaur flopping around with a dull smile on its face while slaughtering monsters and collecting trinkets will bring a smile to your face.