-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~ If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. ~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. ~ Problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. Solution: Eat it in the parking lot. ~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. ~ A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy? ~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. *But if you can't eat all your chocolate, it may be a sign of a deeper problem. ~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. ~ Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate is a balanced diet. ~ Two phrases: ...Money talks.... Chocolate sings. ~ The preservatives in Chocolate make you look younger. ~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit. ~ If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. ~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: A Genie joke From: "Henry_Cate_III.PA"@XEROX.COM Date: 1999/02/03 Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns One day an old Jewish pole, living in Warsaw, has his last light bulb burn out. To get a new one he'll have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and they'll probably be out by the time he gets there), so he goes up to his attic and starts rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembers seeing. He finds the old brass lamp in the bottom of a trunk that has seen better days. He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in cloud of smoke. "Hoho, Mortal!" says the genie, stretching and yawning, "For releasing me I will grant you three wishes." The old man thinks for a moment, and says, "I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he doesn't want the place and march back home." "No sooner said than done!" thunders the genie. "Your second wish?" "Ok. I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he doesn't want the place and march back home." "Hmmm. Well, all right. Your third wish?" "I want Genghis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his --" "Okokok. Right. What's this business about Genghis Khan marching to Poland and turning around again?" The old man smiles. "He has to pass through Russia six times." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? Days ? What?" "Nine..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Bible verses From: rickcl@pogo.wv.tek.com (Rick Clements) Date: 1999/03/05 Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny.reruns From our church bulletin. A pastor went visiting one afternoon. He knocked on one door several times, but no one answered. He could see though the window that the television was on, so he took one of his cards, wrote "Revelations 3:20" on it and stuck it in the door. (Revelations 3:20 says, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone will open, I will come in.) The following Sunday, a woman handed him a card with her name and the following message: "Genesis 3:10". ("I heard thy voice and I was naked, so I hid myself.") -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs? A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all. Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant? A. Have sex once a year. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive? A. Then the jig is up. Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this? A. Your therapist. Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better. Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true? A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip. Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A. Yes, your bladder. Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving? A. Depends on what you're doing with them. Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A. Cause you're fatter then they are. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A. So what's your question, a-hole? Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born? A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves. Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold? A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him. Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Q. When is the best time to get an epidural? A. Right after you find out you're pregnant. Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you. Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position? A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc. Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids? A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for. Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk? A. In your breasts. Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps? A. Yes, baby lips. Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth? A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse. Q. How does one sanitize nipples? A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan. Q. What are the terrible twos? A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey. Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing? A. When you see teeth marks. Q. What is the grasp reflex? A. The reaction of new fathers when they see a new mother's breasts. Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing? A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first. Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away? A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare. Q. Do I have to have a baby shower? A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly. Q. What causes baby blues? A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos. Q. What is colic? A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control. Q. What are night terrors? A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again. Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kids are in college. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half- empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Report from Week 312, in which readers were asked to combine the works of two authors and provide a suitable blurb. Second Runner-Up: "Machiavelli's The Little Prince" Antoine de Saint-Exupery's classic children's tale as presented by Machiavelli. The whimsy of human nature is embodied in many delightful and intriguing characters, all of whom are executed. (Erik Anderson, Tempe, Ariz.) First Runner-Up: "Green Eggs and Hamlet" Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing. I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery. (Robin Parry, Arlington, TX) And the Winner: "Fahrenheit 451 of the Vanities" -An '80s yuppie is denied books. He does not object, or even notice. (Mike Long, Burke) Honorable Mentions: "2001: A Space Iliad" The Hal 9000 computer wages an insane 10-year war against the Greeks after falling victim to the Y2K bug. (Joseph Romm, Washington) "The Hunchback Also Rises" Hideously deformed fellow is cloistered in bell tower by despicable clergymen. And that's the good news ... (John Verba, Washington) "The Maltese Faulkner" Is the black bird a tortured symbol of Sam's struggles with race and family? Does it signify his decay of soul along with the soul of the Old South? Is it merely a crow, mocking his attempts to understand? Or is it worth a cool mil? (Thad Humphries, Warrenton) "The Silence of the Hams" In this endearing update of the Seuss classic, young Sam-I-Am presses unconventional foodstuffs on his friend, Hannibal, who turns the tables. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington) "Nicholas and Alexandra Nickleby" Having narrowly escaped a Bolshevik firing squad, the former czar and czarina join a troupe of actors only to find that playing the Palace isn't as grand as living in it. (Sandra Hull, Arlington) "Catch-22 in the Rye" Holden learns that if you're insane, you'll probably flunk out of prep school, but if you're flunking out of prep school, you're probably not insane. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills) "Where's Walden?" Alas, the challenge of locating Henry David Thoreau in each richly detailed drawing loses its appeal when it quickly becomes clear that he is always in the woods. (Sandra Hull, Arlington) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Uphill, both ways. Oh really? From: egon@tradeservices.com (Cole Tuininga) Date: 1999/03/08 Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny Dear Mr. Cameron: As a courtesy, we are sending you a copy of this letter we recently wrote your 15 year old daughter in response to a query we received from her. Dear Ms. Cameron. Thank you for your letter. Yes, we are pleased to report, your father's old high school is still standing and our library was able to find yearbooks dating "all the way back" to his graduation. In fact, a few teachers even remember your father, which I will get to in a moment. In answer to your first question: In every picture extant of your father he is well shod, wearing what I believe were called "earth shoes" back then. Also, the weather here is moderate, with snow generally lasting from December until March--hardly the entire school year. Thus his descriptions of the conditions under which he "struggled" to school in the morning do, as you suggested, seem a bit exaggerated. In fact, our bus logs are (remarkably) still intact, revealing that not only was your father a registered passenger, but that his parents paid the extra ten dollars a month for door-to-door delivery. I am sure there were days when your father was very "sharply dressed," as you state he puts it, but in every single photograph I was able to uncover he is wearing exactly the same thing: bell bottom blue jeans with white strings trailing from the edges onto the floor, horizontal rents in the knees, and no belt buckle. His T-shirt displays a message easily communicated with hand gestures. His hair hangs past his shoulders and looks as if it was exposed to a lot of wind - perhaps he rode the school bus with the window open. As to academics and "concentrating on the basics," one must remember the times: the "basics" back then may very well have embraced some of your father's elective subjects, which included "Personal Citizenship", "Ecology", and one which apparently was called "Relevance". We have no record of what, if anything, was taught in these classes. What records we do have show that your father did indeed take Geometry, just as he claims. In fact, he took it his sophomore year, repeated it his junior year and repeated the course again his senior year - Geometry was required for graduation. Now as to Mr. Muggins, who had your father in a class called "Problems of Modern Relationships." Mr. Muggins does not wish to dispute the claim that your father always had his homework done early, he merely wants to point out that no matter when it was done, it was always handed in late. In fact, your father sticks out in Mr. Muggins' mind as having the most outrageous excuses for being unprepared, including having to evacuate his home because it was infected with the China Syndrome. Your father was not, sad to say, President of the Student Council. Perhaps he is confusing student government with a social group called "The Slackers," which Mr. Muggins recalls was a group of boys who sat in the hallway and made loud groaning noises whenever an attractive girl strode past. Your father was assistant vice president of the club, and, to our knowledge, is the only past member not currently serving time in a federal penitentiary. One thing IS completely verifiable: your father's name is, indeed, carved above the door to the school. Please advise that, now that we have noticed it, we will need to have it sanded out and refinished, at a cost of approximately three hundred dollars. We would appreciate it if your father would agree to pay for the damage without having to engage lawyers. The honor roll to which he apparently referred is not above the door, it hangs outside my office. I will leave unanswered the question as to whether his name is upon it. Thank you very much for your letter, which we found most amusing. Be sure to tell your father hello from Mr. Muggins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: You could say that.... From: wb8foz@nrk.com (David Lesher) Date: 1999/02/09 Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny NYC Police Commissioner Howard Safir on the weekends 911 crash: "they were testing the emergency generators and were working on the UPS system [sic] at the same time" (inaudible question) "in retrospect, that was probably not a good idea." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For you cat people out there...and here you thought your cat loves you! Hahaha! Perspective is everything. DAY 752 My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. DAY 761 Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed. DAY 762 Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night. DAY 765 Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm must try this with their baby... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ax me about Ebonics Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel Boldly going nowhere CATS: The other white meat CAUTION - Driver legally blonde! Warning: I intentionally run over small, furry animals. Don't be sexist - broads hate that Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost. I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts! If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now I'm an imbecile and I vote WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull Keep honking, driver reloading CAUTION: I drive just like you! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AIR WARGAMES SIM (or, "some things are too silly *not* to pass on") This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defense Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land Operations/Simulation division. So, the Aussies have been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter's position). Being good little programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters, etc. The first time they demonstrate this to some visiting Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty" with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively -- then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove *that* part of the infantry coding -- and Americans leave muttering comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife. As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the first place. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the March 9, 1999, NY Times' Science section, from an interview with U.S. Representative George E. Brown of California, who has served over 30 years on the House Committee on Science: Q: How skilled are scientists and researchers at presenting their case to Congress? A: Very unskilled. They, generally speaking, have too great a faith in the power of common sense and reason. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found four men in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her lungs that she "knows how to use it and will shoot if required.... so get out of MY car!" The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. Small problem: Her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly, white woman...... No charges were filed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. "I Was One of the Chosen People ('Til She Chose Somebody Else)" 2. "Honkey Tonk Nights on the Golan Heights" 3. "I've Got My Foot On The Glass, Where Are You? " 4. "My Rowdy Friend Elijah's Comin' Over Tonight" 5. "New Bottle of Whiskey, Same Old Testament" 6. "Stand by Your Mensch" 7. "Eighteen Wheels and a Dozen Latkes" 8. "I Balanced Your Books, but You're Breaking My Heart" 9. "My Darlin's a Schmendrick and I'm All Verklempt" 10. "That Shiksa Done Made off with My Heart Like a Goniff" 11. "The Second Time She Said 'Shalom', I Knew She Meant 'Goodbye'" 12. "You're the Lox My Bagel's Been Missin'" 13. "You've Been Talkin' Hebrew in Your Sleep Since that Rabbi Came to Town" 15. "Mamas Don't Let Your Ungrateful Sons Grow Up to Be Cowboys (When They Could Very Easily Have Just Taken Over the Family Hardware Business that My Own Grandfather Broke His Back to Start and My Father Sweated Over for Years Which Apparently Doesn't Mean Anything Now That You're Turning Your Back on Such a Gift)" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THINGS LIKELY TO BE OVERHEARD IF YOU HIRE A KLINGON PROGRAMMER "Specifications are for the weak and timid!" "This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium III processors if I am to do battle with this code!" "You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon." "Indentation?! -- I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!" "This code is a piece of crap! You have no honor!" "What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases.' Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake." "Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' -- they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM." "Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak." "I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again." "Perhaps it IS a good day to die; I say we ship it!" "A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!" "By filing this bug report, you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!" "You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!" "Our users will know fear and cower before our software. Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHAT'S Y'ALL'S SIGN (Horoscope for Southerners) It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no darn water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky. SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE! OKRA: Dec 22 - Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies. CHITLIN: Jan 21 - Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around. BOLL WEEVIL: Feb 20 - Mar 20 You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it. MOON PIE: Mar 21 - Apr 20 You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not. POSSUM: Apr 21 - May 21 When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over. CRAWDAD: May 22 - Jun 21 Crawdad is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawdads prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads. COLLARDS: Jun 22- Jul 23 Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache. CATFISH: Jul 24 - Aug 23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Catfish and Moon Pies go very well together. GRITS: Aug 24 - Sep 23 Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. BOILED PEANUTS: Sep 24 - Oct 23 You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you. BUTTER BEAN: Oct 24 - Nov 22 Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies. ARMADILLO: Nov 23 - Dec 21 You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "at the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How bout' if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Why paper airplanes fly From: cef@geodesic.com (Charles Fiterman) Date: 1999/04/04 Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny >> I know that the real planes fly because of its curved wings. >> However, paper airplanes don't have such curved wings. >> How can it fly? Where does the lifting force come from? | Well, speaking as someone who sprained his back lifting shuttle | documentation -- everybody knows an airplane flies when the weight | of its documentation equals or exceeds the weight of the airplane. | Therefore a paper airplane flies because it's self-documenting. The Galileo probe, however, was the first spacecraft to be outweighed by its own *environmental impact report*, according to the people I talked to at JPL this winter. (The EIR was ~ 1 million pages; it made me wonder if they'd chopped down enough trees to require a meta-EIR.)