Back to: The Mystery Spot Bob's DomainRambling Ned Tells a Joke
Bob: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: ...Whatever.
Bob: Why does a cowboy wear a wide hat?
Me: ...
Bob: To cover his head! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Ned: That was so stupid it's not even funny.
Bob: Well, at least I didn't make it up!
Ned: I could tell a better joke than that!
Bob: Oh yeah?! Let's just see about that!
Ned: All right, I will!
Me: Oh, for the love of sweet, sweet sugar...
Ned: A cowboy went into a bar. Not he ordinary kind of bar, mind you. It was a water bar where water was served. It was the desert, after all. Well, this cowboy's name was Roberto Roberto Gilberto Hombre Gringo Hernando Fernando Verdad. His friends called him RV for short. RV goes into the bar and orders his favorite drink, ice water with a twist of lemon. He orders ice water every day, except when he didn't feel like it. Of course, they serve other types of water there: sugar water, salt water, mineral water, hard water, and swamp water. Only a person with a lot of courage (or a lot of troubles) could drink some of the drinks, because they'd probably kill you. Oh, I almost forgot to mention the name of the bar. If I remember correctly, it was on the first floor of the Bridge Building in Chicago. So I believe it was either called "Water Under the Bridge" or "Bridge Over Troubled Waters." All of the regulars were there: Salty Joe, Crinkly Joe, Happy Joe, Crabby Joe, Freaky Joe, Bagboy Joe, Joelene, and Alexandria. Obviously not everyone in town was not named 'Joe'. Most of the nicknames were meaningless except for Salty Joe and Bagboy Joe. Salty Joe orders salt water every day, you know. And Bagboy Joe... Well, let's just say he wasn't called that because he used to work at a grocery store before he joined the mob...
One day, RV came in and ordered ice water with a twist of lemon. What did you expect? After he wet his whistle, he decided to try to pick up a girl. Literally. You see, back in those days, if you could lift up someone up over your head and run around the room three times, it would bring you good luck. It was an ancient tradition, going all the way back to 1721. But that's another story. Joelene and Alexandria were constantly in danger of being picked up because they were a little lighter than everyone else... Except for Scrawny Joe, but no one ever wanted to pick him up because of his skin condition. RV picked up Joelene and tried to run around the room. But Joelene was Bagboy Joe's wife, and he was none too pleased. He slinked across the room and slapped RV in the face with a boxing glove. For those of you unfamiliar with the rules of dueling, that means "I challenge you to a duel tommorrow at 3 p.m. in the middle of Park Avenue. Bring your own gun."
RV showed up at the showdown, though he was very nervous. There was no one else in a twelve mile radius except for Bagboy Joe. A few tense moments passed. Then Bagboy Joe said, "Let me buy you a drink." RV was puzzled, but accepted anyway. It's always a good idea to oblige someone whose nickname is 'Bagboy'. It's just common sense. They went back to the bar, where they spent many hours chatting and drinking ice water with a twist of lemon. Closing time came around and Bagboy Joe stood up and said: "Son, I like year style. You've got guts. Most people I challenge to duels don't even show up and I have to hunt them down like the dogs they are. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself. That's why I'm letting you off the hook this time. But if you touch my wife again, so help me, I'll make you so dead that doornails would envy you!" When RV turned to leave, Joe the Bartender (just plain 'Joe' to you), told him to "Watch out for cactuses." Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm too funny!
Me: That joke sucks! It doesn't even have a punchline!
Ned: ...Whatever.