Insecurities and a need to create

mbtzl's picture
smile.gif

Sometimes I find myself staring longingly at itch.io

I scroll through, looking at the beautiful art and programming genius that takes place.

It makes me sad, but also hopeful.

I love making games, more than I ever thought that I would, but a lack of budget, knowledge, and overall skill makes it incredibly difficult.
I feel a constant need to create, but never the ability.
This blog entry is mostly just a ramble;
Some sort of shout into the void.

I feel insecure about what I make.
I feel inadequate.
I feel like I'm spinning in circles, even though I have only just started taking this seriously.

Ever since I was a little kid, I had a deep fascination for this stuff.
I research and research, never actually applying or learning.
Just longing to create.

I feel hopeless.
I feel petty.
I feel pathetic.

Deep down I know that I am new to this, finally putting my foot down and releasing things that I make. I know I will improve, but don't know where or how to start.

I feel like I should give up.
But I don't want to.

Even recently, when I would lurk on this website for hours, I never thought I could do what some of you do.
And yet here I am. I can't say that what I make is good, or even passable, but Glorious Trainwrecks makes me feel like it is.

I feel accepted.
I feel supported.
I feel loved.

Blog posts tend to not get much attention on this site, so maybe nobody will see this, and maybe that is OK. Just writing this, I feel a little bit better.

Comments

Blueberry Soft's picture

<3 :)

<3 :)

mbtzl's picture

:)))

<3<3<3

Hey

Don't feel too bad about yourself! I feel like we've all been at the stage of wanting to do rather than doing :P
( I couldn't find a way to conveniantly display a kobold in this message so he's hanging out in attachments for now )

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mbtzl's picture

thank you for the kind words

thank you for the kind words and the kobold <3

let-off-studios's picture

Game Jammin'

I scratch that itch with small game projects. There are a few good reasons for this:
- Practice finishing a project, no matter the size. This is a CRUCIAL, undervalued life skill.
- Overcoming the need for perfection
- Learning, learning, always learning
- Expertise is not a requirement, so I know I am welcome and my efforts valid
- Having something to look back on and both be proud of, and laugh at
- You have something to show for two hours of sitting at a computer instead of just watching YouTube videos, spending money, and reading memes
- Not apologizing for doing something creative and/or interesting. Developing fearlessness of the slings and arrows of the envious is another crucial, undervalued life skill.

Firstly, no one is an expert in the beginning. Secondly, you have nothing to lose. Third, if you aren't being paid to make games, then you won't be fired for whatever you make. But, if you have aspirations of someday being paid for your works then the only way someone will know you're worth paying is if you can show them what you are capable of.

Bottom line is: although you want to take it seriously and do your best (in everything you do, honestly), right now this isn't your livelihood, so stop treating it like it is. It is a fun learning experience that you need to be partaking in whenever the mood strikes you and whenever you have the chance.

SENDING YOU (ESPECIALLY YOU) AND ALL MY FELLOW GLORIOUS TRAINWRECKERS A VIRTUAL HIGH FIVE!!!

(... AND A MERRY CHISMAS!!! )