The 3DO Is The Official Console of Glorious Trainwrecks

SpindleyQ's picture

Submitted without comment: A single screenshot from 3DO first-person-shooter Cyberdillo.

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SpindleyQ's picture

Having now played the game,

Having now played the game, I can confidently say that the best thing about it is that that graphic and title is also used for stages two and three.

I hesitate to actually place it into our beloved genre, though, because it doesn't even come close to achieving what it sets out to do. I mean, it is a tremendously bad game. There is nothing even remotely funny about a space armadillo wandering around incredibly garish 3D hallways, shooting plungers at giant green eggs, while repetitive disco music plays in the background. And there kind of should be! The problem is that you actually have to make some kind of joke to be funny, whereas this game thinks that these things are just inherently hilarious.

(Okay, having played this game in an emulator that doesn't freeze up on the FMV intro like my real 3DO does, I can confidently say that the best thing about it is that the theme music is a parody of Cotton Eye Joe. I mean that is embarrassing, guys.)

Six's picture

But it looked so promising!

But it looked so promising! You... you have a funkmeter and everything? I kind of wish I had a funkmeter.

SpindleyQ's picture

You refill your funkmeter by

You refill your funkmeter by eating bugs!

I mean, what?

Also there are boxes of laxative lurking about in the levels that if you pick one up, you have to find a toilet before you shit yourself and "die of embarassment".

PO'ed is another 3DO first-person shooter with a similar problem -- one of the enemies is a giant walking ass that farts at you, and you beat it to death with a frying pan. Over and over and over. (The other enemy is some red thing with teeth.)

These games are clearly designed by people who love nothing more than the technical guts of a good 3D engine. They're not making the game to entertain anyone, not even themselves -- they're entertained by the fact that they can get textured polygons on the screen at a decent framerate. Which is too bad! You could have probably improved Cyberdillo by several orders of magnitude by just having someone with a sense of comic timing sit down with a level editor for a couple of weeks.

I don't know. Maybe my standards are too high? I think it just gets its joke out way too early and then just lies there.

In conclusion, you could totally put a funkmeter in your game!

avery_v's picture

cursed thread! cursed thread!

cursed thread! cursed thread!