8 Bit Torture Log 10,000

qrleon's picture

Digger T. Rock

Screenshots

Spelunky reminded me of this ugly, forgotten NES platformer. I hated it as a kid, but I've recently grown to like it and have been playing it a lot despite some programming glitches.

Each stage is a labyrinthine cavern, with one closed exit door and one pressure switch that opens the door for a minute. You have to clear out the best route between the two, push the switch, and run for the exit before it re-locks. The switch can be reset at any time, so there is no real time limit. Just one dwindling health bar...

At first, the only apparent way to regain health is to finish a cavern, and your poor character is vulnerable to so many things: monsters, falling boulders, head concussions, and accidentally falling down half of the level. There are no spike strips or boiling pits of lava, just long falls.

Like Castlevania, hidden boosters are only a bump or tap away from being discovered, and you absolutely need to take advantage of them to stay alive. The post-level bonus screen also gives out an extra life if completed. So if you play Digger "the right way", you will get a lot of second chances.

Once I got a feel for each level and knew the correct routes, it was suddenly too easy. I beat it a few days ago, and again a few times after that without much trouble. In my last session, I won in nineteen minutes. Kind of anti-climactic for what I assumed was the most difficult and unfair platformer in my old collection.


This is the only large structure type in the entire game. Everything else is built out of that monochrome wall pattern. Emerald City + castle + termite's nest = a shop?

I'm going to use this space as a play log for tortuously difficult old games, but Digger happened to be deceptively easy. Next up: Mr. Gimmick!? Mickey Mousecapade!? Air Fortress!? Dr. Chaos!? Your suggestion here!?

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kirkjerk's picture

Milon's Secret Castle?

Milon's Secret Castle?

qrleon's picture

Agh what the hell do I do

The manual is not very useful. I guess I'll LOOK FOR A SAW, which I assume is for the tree outside.

qrleon's picture

BALLOON MAKES THE BUBBLE BIGGER

I caved, and looked at a "getting started" walkthrough that details how to beat the first floor. Turns out that some blocks are pushable. It's not surprising that I missed it, since it takes about four seconds of pushing to move one. You get to continue on game over after defeating the first boss, but there's no password system.

qrleon's picture

Milon's Secret Hell

So the second floor has two doors leading to rooms, and two black doors that I can't open for some reason. There is also a well, but nothing appears to be inside it. I think I need an item to open those doors, but I've got no idea of where it is. MAYBE IT'S HIDDEN IN A BLOCK!

qrleon's picture

This AVGN review expresses,

This AVGN review expresses, in perfect order, every thought I've had about Milon since starting.

Apparantly there is a Game Center CX episode where the guy plays and finishes Milon, but it's not on YouTube yet (or I can't find it).

kirkjerk's picture

You know what? I said

You know what? I said "Milon's Secret Castle" but I was thinking "Solomon's Key"

dessgeega's picture

solomon's key is a great

solomon's key is a great game.

kirkjerk's picture

Seemed kind of excessively

Seemed kind of excessively secret-y and "hit every blocky" when I watched my buddy play it...

qrleon's picture

I can't remember because

I can't remember because it's been a while since I played it: maybe you have to find secret bonus stages in hidden blocks to "win" win the game, but it still has a good puzzle/gameplay engine as its foundation. Milon on the other hand is nothing but secrets.

qrleon's picture

Oh ho ho!

I found a secret in the well! Apparently, Hades is directly beneath it. I couldn't' escape from the invincible hell-octopi, because whoever mapped that section is a fucking asshole who liked the "fall-thru" blocks. Then I forgot to use the secret continue-after-death code. Sheesh.

...

Oh yeah, Solomon's Key is a good one. I also like the laid-back, console-only pseudosequel, Fire and Ice.

zum's picture

all spelunkin', all the time

Yesterday I stumbled upon Spelunker II, a Famicom-only sequel made by Irem that bears only a passing resemblance to the oft-mocked original. It's kind of pretty in places and it's got that "big, dangerous world to discover" feel that seems unique to Fami/MSX games of that era (see: Legacy of the Wizard, Castlevania II, etc. -- and also recaptured perfectly in La-Mulana.) There's some weird thing going on with a karma meter, and cheap enemy positioning, and items that seem to do nothing, and all the food you find is accompanied by scraps of paper with cryptic hints. Point is, it looks infuriating and totally great. There's a translation available here.

qrleon's picture

This looks hilarious, thanks!

Apparantly you can end up in hell for stabbing deer?

zum's picture

Yep! Stabbing deer, or just

Yep! Stabbing deer, or just falling down really deep holes, apparently.

qrleon's picture

Crap.

Based on the explorer class's graphic, I like to imagine this is a whimsical adaptation of Caddyshack

(with pits leading to hell)

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Pizza Time's picture

Oh Christ that Legacy Of the

Oh Christ that Legacy Of the Wizard, when he gets around to doing it let's not warn him about what he's getting himself into.

dessgeega's picture

i really like legacy of the

i really like legacy of the wizard. falcom's games really don't try and hide the fact that they're tile-based. yet legacy of the wizard is absolutely gorgeous, though. all the walls are simple square blocks, but they really have texture. and the characters, who are just as square, are all have really clear and cartooney designs. it's really charming. and, yeah, huge and labrynthine and terrifying. also the music's incredible.

qrleon's picture

neat

agj's picture

I AM THE CASTLE.

I AM THE CASTLE.

qrleon's picture

ugh

PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG

PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG PING PONG

qrleon's picture

It's still nowhere near as

It's still nowhere near as tedious as Milon's Secret Castle though. Think I will switch over to this...

madamluna's picture

I actually downloaded this

I actually downloaded this just now (it does look similar to La-Mulana, so I was really intrigued) and I immediately proceeded to stab that ~majestic stag~ and get sent to Hell. I like this game already.

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qrleon's picture

Gimmick!

Gimmick!

This game is kind of amazing. The player handling is slippery and the stage designs are shockingly difficult for what looks like a simple, easy-going game in screenshots.

It's not just a torturous gauntlet, though. The development team inserted all kinds of little details and signs of life that have nothing whatsoever to do with the player's job. Every little asshole design choice is offset by something charming. The stock enemies have rudimentary AI that allows them to hop over chasms and chase you across blocky terrain. My favourite detail so far: the little dog-like NPC at the beginning of the sixth level.

Compare with Kirby's Adventure, another cutesy, late-era NES game, which has a gigantic number of stages and powerups -- several times more than Gimmick. Yet Gimmick feels livelier. Seriously, this might be the best NES game I've ever played.

I recently beat level five's boss. Level six's intro is great... and then I died at the platforming sections further in. I haven't been able to get past boss five since.

dessgeega's picture

gimmick is incredible, yeah.

gimmick is incredible, yeah. if you get a chance, play trip world for the gameboy. it has the same world full of incidental beauty, but isn't quite as hard. gimmick is pretty gloriously hard. you can do some amazing things if you have the dexterity and understand how the game's physics work. in fact, to get the good ending, you have to.

zum's picture

trip.

yes! i was going to mention trip world. it's a close relative of gimmick, but it feels very different in some ways because it's almost not designed as a challenge. most creatures you encounter aren't hostile to you; hell, the first couple of bosses don't even attack you until you do the same to them. because of the sometimes-complex behaviours for even the one-off little creatures you can just stroll by (not to mention the weird transforming powerups) everything seems to hint at the possibility of something strange or secret just out of sight. it's one of the most unusual games i've ever played, and certainly one of the most unbalancing.

(i was going to link to mobygames but apparently they don't have it in their database, which made me finally cave and sign up for an account there, and now i'm playing it again to take screenshots. man.)

dessgeega's picture

there's a walkthrough video

there's a walkthrough video on youtube, maybe? but yeah, trip world is incredible because so much of the game world poses you no threat that when something attacks you it's genuinely scary. so your wonder at this beautiful world is tempered by caution, because some of these innocent-looking creatures will kill you.

qrleon's picture

Oh wow.

26 seconds of YouTube footage = sold.

qrleon's picture

I love how the two seemingly

I love how the two seemingly unrelated things (high challenge, ambient life) add so much to each other. Other games have "stuff hanging around" (see: Knytt), but the life in Gimmick is plugged into the game engine, so to speak. That dog-like thing can still kill you, but you can stand on it in a completely neutral manner. The nervous dog owner is hilarious, too. Oh my god IT GOES TO SLEEP IF YOU WAIT

qrleon's picture

Trip World is crazy! Thanks

Trip World is crazy! Thanks for telling me about it.

qrleon's picture

I WON

Quote:
this might be is the best NES game I've ever played.

I just beat it! As expected, the ending left me very confused.

I'm still finding weird details and secrets on Youtube, both in playthrough videos and in comments. I don't entirely grasp the last few boss fights, either; I spammed through the final one with health potions.

Mobygames says that the programmer/designer never worked on another game. Too bad!

OH MY GOD THE SECOND BOSS IS ASLEEP WITH A LITTLE ALARM CLOCK IF YOU REACH HIM QUICKLY

qrleon's picture

Addendum: Gimmick

I just found out that you can hijack this vehicle

and even use the mounted gun. But there is nothing to shoot, and the lift to the side blocks it.

consider me baffled

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dessgeega's picture

what you should play is

what you should play is fucking mysterium on the gameboy.

qrleon's picture

I haven't been ordered

I haven't been ordered around by a video game ant in a while. will look into it!

zum's picture

Treasure Master

I've only played this for five minutes so far, but I'm already bowled over by the bumpin' radicality it exudes. Check out this cover art. Check out this (awesome, unmistakably Tim Follin) music. Check out this friggin' WALK ANIMATION.

It was also apparently made for an MTV contest, which pretty much takes the cake.

qrleon's picture

From what I've played (five

From what I've played (five minutes), it seems to be one of Software Creations' few bearable NES games. Solstice is another one. The complete disconnect in SC's output between play quality and that fucking music always baffled me.

qrleon's picture

In a similar vein, Totally

In a similar vein, Totally Rad had gnarly potential.

Pizza Time's picture

That happenin' dude on the

That happenin' dude on the cover is what I imagine the definition of the word "cowabunga" to be.

qrleon's picture

Just played some more. It

Just played some more. It gets even more radical.

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qrleon's picture

Holy shit, the backstory in

Holy shit, the backstory in the instruction manual.

HOLY SHIT, this GamePro TV review (starts @ 7:00)

cowa goddamn bunga

qrleon's picture

TRESERE MASTR

ohgog its awful but i canr top playing

At the start of each session, you have to repeat the same time-consuming steps over and over. The swimming speed is ridiculous! It's as if they tried to find every possible way to discourage you from trying again.

Pizza Time's picture

I should probably be shot

I should probably be shot for digging up a topic this old but I just had to counter that walk cycle with this happenin' dude from Magician Lord:

They hang out in packs like a gang of street kids just waiting to serve hapless adventurers. All I know is I'm running in the opposite direction so they can't steal my joggers.

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Terry's picture

I loved this game when I was

I loved this game when I was a kid. The thing that really stood out for me replaying it recently was how expressive the sound effects are.

qrleon's picture

Yeah, I always liked the

Yeah, I always liked the mosquito yelps, and the way he naively taps the walls with his shovel, and the loud SLAM sound when he lands on his head...

That angry tantrum face is hilarious, too.

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qrleon's picture

8 Eyes


Instructions wrote:
This is a one-life game, meaning there is one Orin per game. If you lose the one Orin, the game is over. No free men are awarded. This is reality!

This is similar to Castlevania: you invade decadent castles, walk up and down stairs, stab at blocks to find hidden items, etc. Perched on your shoulder is a falcon that can distract guards and flip switches. The soundtrack was excellent for the time, with three tracks for each of its eight levels, and the background art is detailed and gloomy. It even has a stage select!

But there's one big elephant in the room (ignoring some obtuse mazes and puzzles). 50% of the enemies follow the same "attack, step forward, repeat" pattern with no variance except for a few GFX swaps. Everyone and their mother either matches or exceeds your attack range, too. So you have to dash in, attack, dash out, usually three times in a row. That's 8 Eyes for the most part.

Here are some victory messages I remember finding in the ROM file years ago. I coloured the text white, if for some reason anyone would consider them spoilers.

Victory Speeches wrote:
CONGRATULATIONS ORIN!! In fighting your way through the eight Perilous castles, you have proved that your swordsmanship and falconry talents are great. In solving the riddle of the eight jewels, you have proved your skill as a logician. These were great tests of skill, and only the strongest of warriors and the wisest of scholars could have completed this quest. I realize that there is only one thing more gratifying than coming to the end of a great game, that is realizing the challenge has just begun. Go now Orin, another quest awaits. In this second adventure, your skills will be tested as never before. If you are truly skilled, you may be able to finish some of it ! GOOD LUCK ! Here is the password to the most challenging adventure of your life ! PASSWORD TAXANTAXAN push start key

Well, well. You managed to beat the second challenge of 8Eyes. Unbelievable ! Your video game talents are among the best the world has to offer. You confronted the challenge I set for you, and triumphed undisputed. You have beaten one of the hardest games you will ever play, or have you??

VERY IMPRESSIVE ! I truly thought that no mere motal would ever be reading the statement here, at the end of the third quest of 8Eyes. you have reached the end of this game. I give my deepest congratulations to one who has beaten one of the most challenging games seen on the home video screen. Thank You, and look for more extremely challenging games from your favorite game masters TAXAN !!!

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qrleon's picture

god i need to get away from the NES

BUCKY O'HARE
screenshot

I was tricked by the first levels into thinking that this would be about shooting dudes. It's really all about the instant death traps. I appreciated the high frequency of these traps, but they're almost all unrelated to each other -- mastering one trap won't help you in the next one. Konami provided infinite continues and frequent checkpoints not because they were feeling generous, but because it would be almost impossible to make progress without them.

The final stage is really sinister. You're escaping from a self-destructing fortress, and desperate toads on the ground jump and hang onto your ship, hoping to escape with you. These freeloaders weigh down your ship and impair maneuverability, so you have to crush them into the walls to regain full control. Holy shit, Konami!

JOURNEY TO SILIUS
screenshot

Run-and-gun. Some input glitches make gameplay more aggravating than it needs to be: the turning around and kneeling animations stop the jump command from working -- only for a tiny moment, but it's enough to mess up.

Fast enemy shots are everywhere, and you have a very small window of opportunity to dodge them. In some cases, you have to shoot at enemies before they've even appeared on the screen, or dodge traps you can't yet see during a long fall.

You're frozen in place after you defeat a boss, and any stray bullet can kill you before the level transition is finished. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH

I'm surprised that some people consider it a lost classic.

MOON CRYSTAL (Famicom)

Sort of a hybrid of Prince of Persia and the average NES/Famicom platformer. Animation is (relatively) fluid, and most actions, like turning and attacking, have a delay built into them. But when you jump, everything is instant and snappy!

The bosses can be fought in two different ways: rush in with full health and stabstabstab, or try to fight them as the designers (might have) intended. To do the latter, you have to be very quick, and learn how to bypass the Prince of Persia delays. It's awful but very funny at the same time.

A BOY AND HIS BLOB

METAL STORM
screenshot

Only played a few minutes, but holy cow. Fingers crossed that it stays excellent in the later stages.

ADVENTURE ISLAND (Wonder Boy variant)
screenshot

After dying a few times in the third stage, I decided I like this one.

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dessgeega's picture

metal storm is incredible.

metal storm is incredible. it gets super hard, but even that is just preparing you for the hard mode you earn the first time you finish the game.

a boy and his blob is a really important game to me, though i've come nowhere near to "solving" it. is there more of that map that you could post?

qrleon's picture

Co-dependent Treasure Hunting

Sure, here. VGMaps.com also has some pixel-perfect guides.

I had this one as a kid, but never thought to draw out a map or write down the jellybean effects until last month. The Indiana Jones-like logo and the treasure should have tipped me off that map-making was intended.

My favourite part of the game is the Blob's guilty conscience face when the Boy dies.

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qrleon's picture

(turns out i don't know what

(turns out i don't know what co-dependence means)

dessgeega's picture

hand-drawn maps have so much

hand-drawn maps have so much more character than just straight screenshots though.

dessgeega's picture

looking at that map it

looking at that map it struck me for the first time just how strongly this game follows pitfall 2: the lost caverns.

zum's picture

which is another david crane

which is another david crane game, right? man, i wonder where he is now.

...aw man, advergaming and shovelware? with garry kitchen? :((((

dessgeega's picture

o how the mighty have fallen

o how the mighty have fallen :(

zum's picture

journey to silius is

journey to silius is basically just about the music. (and i guess that sunsoft prettiness.) that it's kind of miserable to actually sit down and play never stopped me from loving it, though.

GoreCore's picture

On C64 were many stupid,

On C64 were many stupid, tedious and tiring games.

Schizofrenia, the most irritating. http://c64s.com/game/679/schizofrenia/ click to play online.
Hobgoblin - poor man's Ghosts 'n Goblins with lack of scrolling. The only way to beat tis game is to memorize about 20 minutes long pattern of enemies movement.

Back to NES.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/rom-pit/foton-ultimate-universe.php Foton - The Ultimate Game On Planet Earth. Yeah, really.

dessgeega's picture

i don't know what you're

i don't know what you're talking about this is incredible

qrleon's picture

These are all pretty funny.

I want to fit the guy on the Schizofrenia box art into my next KOTM game.

I think this thread's subject might be needlessly restrictive. I propose a more general successor thread: Vintage Curio Thread 10,001. Thoughts!?

(though i guess we could just make separate threads for each game)

pensive-mosquitoes