There is a way to win, so technically, this is a game.

--VERY LARGE FILE SIZE. PLEASE BE PATIENT--

Behold! The game is titled QuaQua. Control your soul compass and conquer chaos.

All instructions are contained within. Requires DirectX.

Guide Yoshi the Super Happy Dinosaur to his melon stash so he can eat melons! Err, wait, what's that thing? Should Yoshi eat it? Well, it looks close enough like food, so why not?

Shift to jump, Ctrl to eat melons. Down to enter the pipe.

Edit: Bugfix release so you can't shoot multiple tongues and have them coming out of your feet.

When the world was young, and only one man and woman walked the Earth, I can't help but feel that they were surely very, very immature to each other. Especially over a biological difference so immediately obvious.

In case it wasn't clear, this is basically Donkey Kong with urine.

EDIT: Fixed incomplete controls listing on title screen.

EDIT2: Fixed no music in Windows.

If you've played Lesbian Spider Queens of Mars by Anna Anthropy, you might have wondered: what happens to the captured slaves when our dear Queen walks over them? The obvious answer is that they are abstracted away into a cage offscreen, instantaneously, in the manner of many videogames. The disobvious answer, I decided, is that the Queen uses her spider-venom to shrink them down to a portable size, so she can carry them around freely, as if they were mere diamond gems. This game is based on this assertion to some extent.

This was made under Ludum Dare conditions. I might submit this to that competition.

Also, this is based on a tweet.

With this INTERACTIVE program, members of the whole family can come and enjoy working at Santa's workshop, wrapping presents with Santa's amazing gizmos! Does not involve The Grinch in any way, shape or form!

Does not involve The Grinch!
Does not involve The Grinch!
Oh hell, I lied. It does involve The Grinch.

Features multiple endings based on moral decisions!

Fantastic dating game which you cannot win! Therefore, it's just like talking to a REAL girl! :D

Made in Ren'Py and stuff. Advance apologies for any typos. Menus are a little unreadable sometimes because I stuck rigidly to a palette for fun.

Try to hover the dot over the correct color to maximize score.