Game File: 

Go West Release 3.zip

An interactive fiction inspired by the Village People song of the same name. It is a game about going west. Or is it?

Use an interpreter such as Gargoyle to run it: http://ccxvii.net/gargoyle/

I knocked this together pretty quickly as I have some work to do, but I'm pretty happy with how far I took such a simple concept. Which wasn't that far, but still!

WHAT THE FANS SAY:

"this is much better than the path" - daphaknee

Game File: 

barbarakwest.zip

Barbara Kwest is a game I made for (and loosely about) my grandmother, an avid player of point ant click adventure games. I made most of it at her house one day when I was around 12. I rediscovered the game at age 14, tacked an ending on, compiled it and showed it to her. It was well received.

I rediscovered it again earlier this year; both the source and executable have miraculously survived her multiple computer changes over the last decade. It is a deeply personal game filled with extremely stupid jokes, awful spelling and some references only I would get (that's right, not even her). It is a game I never intended to see proper release. Perfect for the Pirate Kart, then?

So, the site was down for a couple of hours today, and it is going to be acting a little funny for the next little while. You will notice that pages will sit not loading for up to 20-30 seconds at a time, and then suddenly everything will work fine for a short while. This is expected and, sadly, appears to be unavoidable.

Shortest version: PHP is a hateful language and the source of all misery in the world.

Short version: don't try to delete 3.5 million rows from a table in MySQL all at once, especially one that's accessed every time someone visits a page on your website.

Longer version: When someone visits the site without a cookie (for instance, someone visiting the site for the first time, someone who has logged out and back in, spambots, viewing from seperate browsers, whatever), Drupal generates a random number for the client to use as its session identifier. It shoves this number into a database table, along with a timestamp of when it gave that number out. Every so often, it is meant to do a search for old, expired sessions, and clean them out of the database, because otherwise it would just grow and grow forever and become monstrously full of useless data.

This has not been happening. Ever. In the five years the site has been running.

It turns out that the "garbage collection" process controlled via an internal PHP configuration setting, which Debian Linux turns off because the way it works is kind of dumb (instead of being scheduled on a predictable basis, as would be sensible, it happens at random when someone tries to view a page). Unfortunately, the alternative they set up doesn't work with Drupal.

So I turned it on. And tried to load the site. And then it turns out that while it's cleaning up the session table, the site can't access it. And the site needs to access it on every pageview to see if you're logged in or not.

Well, I figured it had a lot of data to crunch through, so I decided to let it do its thing. And I waited. And waited. And 2.5 hours later it still wasn't done. I looked around online and decided that maybe the more sensible course of action was, instead of sorting through and deleting 600mb of data all at once, maybe I could write a little script to just delete a little at a time, and let other things talk to the database once in a while. Like my website.

So that's what it's doing. Unfortunately there's so much data to wade through that even deleting 1000 rows at a time takes like 20 seconds. This process will hopefully speed up as more old sessions get deleted, until eventually, sometime, maybe tomorrow?, there will be no noticeable pauses at all when browsing the site. Won't that be great? I'm looking forward to it.

Anyway, thought I'd let people know what was going on.

Game File: 

Mah Dongg.zip

Use the mouse, just like in Mah Jongg. GOOD LUCK!

This may be the most important retro remake ever. Shoot'Em Up Construction Kit for Windows, Linux and Mac.

Freeware. Pixel-perfect collision detection. Horizontal scrolling. Jump 'n run mode. Stand-alone exe output games.

Words just don't make the justice. So go, get it.

http://seuck.glbasic.com/

Game File: 

cigarettevspopolnik.zip

Duke it out in this two-player game. One plays the cigarette, one the popolník. Who shall win?

For more dope shit, acquire a license to visit:
www.landsofgames.com

Game File: 

hellball__you_are_the_ball.html

everybody's favorite game in hell, hellball -- but with a twist: YOU are the ball! I don't know what this is, really, but I wanted to make something and this is what I made. I made it REALLY FAST so I hope it's working the way I intended....

Game File: 

HoldUp.zip

made for sylvie's bedtime jam

hold up is a game heavily inspired by Matt Thorson's Hold Off Red, with the key difference that instead of mouse control, this game uses the keyboard's numpad. (sorry if you're on a laptop, i wanted to give other options but i ran out of time)

it's a little bare bones but this is a bed time jam and im ready for bed, so i figured i should wrap things up and post what i've got, but if i keep working on it i'd like to add upgrades, a "stamina" meter, enemies that do different things and a lot more polish, basically everything to bring it into line with Hold Off Red, but hopefully with a few more things to make it it's own thing.

made in haxeflixel, music is Powerhouse by Raymond Scott

Game File: 

footballtononfootballsimulator.zip

For people who do not like the footballs. Use this on football fans to show them what they're watching looks like to non football fans. Accurate simulation to 1/1000 degree of realistic-accuracy and tested by experts on a field.

SUPER GOOD FOR SEXY TIME INITIATION

Game File: 

PogoPlatformer_6.zip

You are the Pogo Fox! You're also really hungry!

- Move left and right with the arrow keys.
- Hit diamonds to establish checkpoints.
- Bounce off of platforms to gain points - but watch out, for the platform vanishes as soon as you land on it! And some platforms bounce you differently...
- You can only go through the padlock blocks by paying ten points each.
- Press Shift over the chrome pads to reset your points to zero and restore all platforms and padlock blocks.

Update:
- When hitting a checkpoint diamond, any opened padlock blocks that are on-screen will become permasolid, which should solve accidental backtracking issues.
- Hopefully solved an issue where the player might accidentally bypass a post-level checkpoint diamond without actually activating it.