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World Of Explore PRO Edition (ordered by Sergio Cornaga)

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Unseen, a delivery bot arrives at your front door. It deposits a package through your door- if you didn't before, you have a handy mailbox slot now. A screeching, robotic voice begins to blare.

"You have NEW MAIL, Sergio Cornaga! Enjoy, and farewell... Beep boop."

Open the parcel upwards, and inside is a brand new copy of "WORLDLY ADVENTURES UPON THE FORSAKEN AGES OF KEEN KNOWLEDGE, PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY, AND EXTERIOR EXPLORATION [EXPERT PROFESSIONAL USER EDITION FOR HOME USE ONLY]", known as "World of Explore PRO Edition" for short-hand/case. What a day it is to recieve such a fantastic thing!!

Also included is a letter... What could it say? Well, the following:

"Hello valued (CUSTOMER NAME),

"This copy is registered to USER ID#100000000000000, that is to say, you! Your purchase code can be found inside as well, which necessary to pass the state of the art DRM (Digit Retention Multitasker) that WoE PRO Edition includes to counter rampant piracy. No user input is required, for it (or, lack thereof) will be automatically detected. We hope you have a good customer experience. Complaints can be directed to your window.

"To re-brandish the benefits of upgrade from ShareWare "Worldly Explorations Of Joy" to the the PRO Edition you are now a proud, correct owner of, here is a complete list of benefits:

  • 6 New characters to play as, bringing the total to 12!
  • 3 New "sub-zones", one in each area. Explore them all today!
  • Expansive, all-encompassing soundtrack to fit your many moods.
  • More than 50 different personalities to meet and greet and learn from!
  • Advanced DRM to make sure nobody can break into your unique copy.
  • AND MORE! Pay $4999.99 by mail to get a secondary unlock code for extra content!

"Thank you dear (CUSTOMER NAME) for your purchase! And remember, DO NOT LET ANYBODY ELSE PLAY IT FOR THAT WILL BE A BREACH OF CONTRACT AND NOT TOLERATED. Thank you again for supporting this Wonders of Edutainment production (executively co-produced by all lowercase, jery nail).

"PS. We greatly appreciate your patience in waiting two weeks 500 days 1 year, 11 months, and 18 days for this amazing package!"

Hmm. Well, alright. Let's pop the disc in the computer and see what happens next...

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mno's picture

World Of Explore

ITSWORLDOFEXPLORE.png

What is the WoE?? Well! You're about to find out, huh!? Choose the right answer below:

VI) "Whatever, o, Emanuel": the only known line of a destroyed play by W. Shacklespare.

4) Many have spoken of a whole World of Exploration out there... something beyond the WORKZONE we all know and love. But first you'd need a MAPZONE to find your way there, and all know MAPZONES died out years ago!

A) Watermelon over Eggplant, a famous Canadian dish.

¢) Wonders of Edutainment, the previously infamous publisher of "classics" such as How To Drop Out Of School And Pursue A Non-Capitalist Lifestyle and Just Where Do Chicken Eggs Come From Anyways: Every Disgusting Detail You Never Wanted To Know. WoE closed in late 2059 after the sucess of the government-funded anti-public learning potential campaign.

B) To Explore other Worlds is illegal as going off-planet has been banned since 1988.

∞) Infinity and its lack in limit halt my quiz ability, as I can't act any; I am stuck running by my mind that significant acting against infinity is in grand vain.

eee) Pour Water on yer Enigma plants daily or else it will start thirsting for your blood.

Q) The most common letters, case included, in the star language spoken by the dreaded Queens of Space, when translated into English. Full alphabet by common-ness: WoEbBtJqrzaSIlpVmKOr. (Language Hyper-Literalists taking this exam: Please accept the alphabet arrangement offered here, as GloriousTrainwrecks does not endorse transposition of the language based on the DVORAK arrangment, only QWERTY. Thank you.)

H) Wall of Endisburgh.

¾) "wOe!", the name of the post-grunge soft~seapunk \chillwave/ nightcore band that is rocking the dance floors.

↑) All Of The Above

<) None Of The Above

↓) All Of The Below

⑧) Word Of Explode

When you are finished, draw the logo of the brand owner of yer favourite flavour of peach ice cream. Hand the sheets in to my desk and you will recieve your grade next Thur



SO READS THE LAST FRAGMANT OF HUMANITY REMANING AFTER KNOWN SOCIETY IS DESTROYED UTTERLY BY THE FREE MARKET. CENTURIES LATER, THIS PIECE OF PAPER, BURNT SLIGHTY AT THE EDGES AND SOGGY TO THE TASTE, IS FOUND BY THE NEW HUMAN MOVEMENT. UNTIL NOW THEY HAVE HAD NOTHING TO BASE THEIR SOCIETY OTHER THAN UNSALTED CRACKERS. BUT NOW, THEY HAVE REASON, THEY HAVE POSSIBLITY, THEY HAVE: WORLD OF EXPLORE!



- That's the description of the program on the back of the case of the new open-world, all-inclusive, klikware historical title, Just What Is The World Of Explore?, which attempts to unravel for the player the original prototype game that was the foundation for our current society. As a gamer, I found ...World Of Explore? to be highly satisfying: with SIX whole customizable* characters who can each explore THREE massive locations in highly unique ways (such as: snowman can move left or right, singer can move left or right, jogger can move left or right and up slightly if you glitch the game), players have many reasons to replay it over and over.

This is the only highlight of WoE?, unfortunately. The sound design is awful: there is no consistency between interaction sounds, which all sound like they're from random sources. Music inside of the game appears to be, to my finely tuned ears, entirely composed of MIDIs that should not have seen the light of day. I will admit though, the title theme Welcome To The World Of Explore! by Dj Ruffty is such a great track! I give Music such a high score below only because of this.

Finally, on the visual side, things get a little better. Honestly, I just appreciate the sheer effort put into making every scene ridiculous and overblown. Sometimes, it feels like the art team was just trying to make something be totally differnt from everything else. The lack of cohesion in the art design (yet again, I feel like almost everything is taken from some clipart package or some such) does the narrative of the game harm though, almost to the point that I would call it anti-ludological.

That's every component of a Game covered: Replay, Sfx, Muses, and Sight. Also every sense we evolved humans have.

FINAL SCORE FROM THE INFORMED GAMER:

Replayability: 15/10
Sound: -5/10
Music: 3/10
Visual: 5/10
Overall: 10/10/100


* Only WoE? PRO version only lets you augment your characters on the fly. I'm a skirted train driver with five arms, two feet, who walks around in a bathtub. What are YOU?

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